阴沉木狂想曲（短篇小说）
Rhapsody of Ancient Buried Wood (short story)
刘伊霜 Liu Yishuang
(一）
Chapter One
几个世纪以来，我不知道自己在等待什么，但在黑暗潮湿的地层中，我耐心等待。长久的等待换来的是长久的孤独。我沉默，由此走向更加决绝的沉默。
For centuries, I didn’t know what I was waiting for. However, in this dark and damp assise, I still waited patiently. Endless waiting signified endless loneliness. I kept silent, thus falling into more resolute silence.
有时候我会回忆一些往事。两千多年前，我也像如今这样，躺在地母黑暗的怀抱中，对上面的事情一无所知。我常常听到上面传来一些沙沙的声响，我不知道发生了什么，但这让我非常兴奋。我唯一的朋友瞎子告诉我，那是风吹动地面的草叶发出的声音。我不太相信他的说辞，因为他是个瞎子，他凭什么知道？
Sometimes, I would recall some past events. The same as now, two thousand years ago, I was lying in the mirky arms of Earthly Mother, knowing nothing about what happened above. I always heard some rustling sounds coming above the ground, which made me extremely excited though I had no idea about what was going on. My only friend——The Blind who told me that the sound comes from the wind blowing the grass on the ground. I had a little doubt about his words, because he is blind, how could he know?
他不屑地说，眼睛是看不见风的，只能用身体感受。对此我将信将疑，我想到他曾告诉我，很久很久以前，他的祖先也在陆地上爬行生活，后来发生了难以置信的灾难，他们只能转移到地下。在长久的黑暗和死寂中，他们的身体竟发生了改变，首先是体形变得更小而且柔软，随之是嗅觉和听觉的退化，最后是视力的完全消失。
“Wind cannot be seen but felt with our body.” He said dismissively. I still didn’t believe it entirely and his words came into my mind: Long long time ago, his ancestors were also living on the ground as reptiles, later they had to live underground after an unbelievable disaster. Their bodies had unexpectedly taken great changes amid endless darkness and dead silence. At first, it was their body shapes that became smaller and softer, followed by degenerated hearing and smell senses, and ending up with complete disappearance of eyesight.
“到上面去看看，那是一个有风、太阳和星空的地方。”他说。这一番话让我的肉体因为过度兴奋而发出咔咔的迸裂声，身体的迸裂使我疼痛，但我却决意要去上面并且狂喜。我察觉到，那是一种危险的煽动。
“Go upward to see the world, a place with wind, sun and starry sky.” he suggested me. His words made my flesh give out cracking sound due to excessive excitement, which caused me a great pain. However, I had made up my mind to go up with ecstatic pleasure and also perceived it was a dangerous incitement.
我生长、迸裂，我极度渴望水、光和养分！一些细小的根须纷纷从我的身体里延伸出来，死死抓住这片并不肥沃的土壤，我拼命吮吸，啊，它酸苦的味道让我受不了，但是每当想起瞎子煽动的话语，那种渴望就日日夜夜诱惑着我、折磨着我——我渴望去上面，连同这酸苦的土壤也一并要忍受下来。
I was growing, bursting, and desperately longing for water, sunshine and nutrients! Some tiny root hairs were extending from my body, holding the soil tightly which was not fertile. I kept sucking at full split. Ah, I couldn’t endure the sour and bitter of it, but every time when The Blind’s incendiary words passed through my mind, the eagerness tempted and tortured me day and night——I was longing for going up, so I had to endure this sour and bitter soil all together.
起初，我以为是这么做是因为瞎子的煽动，但后来我意识到，这根本上是出于我的意志，一种无法抗拒的本能，如果我不这么去做，我就会立即死亡——一种真正的死灭。
At the very beginning, I thought it was the incitement of The Blind, which made me do that. However, I later realized that it was out of my volition——an irresistible instinct. If I failed to do so, I would die immediately——a real death.
有时候，在我的梦里，我隐约看到一种模糊不明的光亮，照目前的距离来测算，它离我并不遥远，我试图用根须去靠近它、触摸它，但都是徒劳，每次总在我以为将要触及它的时候，它又保持我努力靠近之前的那个距离了。
Somewhile, in my dreams, I could see a vague and faint light in an indistinct way, which was not very far from me if measured by the current distance. I tried to draw near and touch it but in vain, because the distance between us would back to the original situation again every time when I thought I almost touched it.
我逐渐明白了，它看似近在咫尺，却是永远无法抵达的地方，它模糊的光芒仿佛在告诉我，不停追逐我吧，虽然你永远不能触摸到我。有时候我在怀疑，目前的境况究竟是梦还是真实呢？唯一确定的是，即便在梦里，我也在不断延伸我的根须。它似乎让我找到了必须活下去的理由。
Gradually, I came to realize that even if it seemed very close to me, it was a place that could never be reached. As if its blurry rays of light were telling me, “Come and chase after me, even though you can never touch me.” Sometimes I was doubting whether the current situation was a dream or reality? The only certainty was that I kept continuously extending my root hair as well, which made me find the reason to live.
有一次，我的根须碰到了什么东西，我大吃一惊，居然是另一棵树的根须，瞎子告诉我，它是一棵杉树！我非常愤怒。我开始意识到，这大地并非仅属于我，仍有别的生物和我争夺有限的养分，仍有别的什么东西在挤压我的生存空间。
On one occasion, I was shocked to find that my root hair touched something—— it was the root hair of another tree. The Blind told me that it was a cedar. I was very angry with that. I began to realize that this earth did not belong to me alone. There were still other creatures competing with me for limited nutrients and other things squeezing my living space.
我多么想它去死啊，但是它却日益生长起来，于是我只能将根须更加拼命地伸出去，决意夺取我的生存！
I extremely expected its death. However, the cedar was growing up day by day. Consequently, what I could do was to extend my root out even more desperate and made up my mind to live！
我生长、迸裂，有一天，把那厚重讨厌的泥土顶开！光从四面八方涌来，太多的光、热气，使早已习惯黑暗的我几乎晕眩。许久过后，我渐渐适应了光的氛围，清醒过来。我前面有一条河。
I was growing, splitting. One day, I pushed those thick and nasty soil out! Lights came from all directions with too much lights and hot-gas, which made me almost dizzy because I had gotten used to the darkness. It took me a long time to adapt to the atmosphere of lights and came to my sense. There was a river in front of me.
一条透明的河，河面发着荧荧的光；河里有鱼，一种肥而宽的鱼，仿佛也是透明的，他的嘴唇是如此厚，对我露出嘲讽的笑，真是岂有此理。我听到熟悉的沙沙的声音，只是这次，沙沙的声音竟然那么近、那么大，全世界只剩下这种声音了，这是风声，是我在静寂的地层里从未听过的声音，每当风声响起，我就感到身上痒痒的。
It was a translucent river glowing with fluorescent lights; a king of fish could be found in this river, it was fat and wide and looked translucent as well. His lip was so thick and showed a contemptuous smile to me. How dare he! I heard the familiar sound of rustling. However, this time, it was so close and loud. As if the whole world only had this sound left. It was the sound of wind, which I had never heard in the silent stratum. Every time when the sound of wind was rustling, I would feel my body itchy.
瞎子的确没有骗我。不过我没想到的是，上面的世界，同样会面临黑暗降临。当夜幕逐渐落下，光线一一褪散，我总会感到一种恐慌：我会一直这样下去吗？在地面上，不仅要面对无尽的黑夜，还要随时被野火、百虫、暴雨、干旱所威胁。我开始意识到，某种斗争早就开始了，从我还是一粒种子的时候起，那种斗争就已经拉开了序幕。而我注定每天都要为生存所担忧，并且不断挣扎，这种境况将会一直持续下去，直至我死亡。
The Blind really didn’t cheat on me, but what I hadn’t imagined was the same coming of darkness in the above world. When the night was falling down, lights gradually faded away. I always have such a panic: Will I continue like this? Above the ground, I not only had to face up with endless darkness, but also be threatened by wild fires, all kinds of insects, rainstorm and drought at any time. I came to realize that some kind of struggle had already begun since I was a seed. While I was destined to worry about my existence everyday and struggle continuously. Such a situation would never stop until my death.
我看着漫天星辰，它们始终兀自发着光，丝毫不能体会我在暗处的忧郁。那棵在地底就与我争夺的杉树，依旧与我展开长久的争夺。他生长的速度是如此快，我认为，他如此旺盛的生命力是故意做给我看的，好让我嫉妒他！可是不知道为什么，每每想到这里，我却感到如释重负。我开始数星星，每数一颗，身上的叶片就兴奋地晃动一下。
I watched the starry sky, and all the stars were sparkling all along and alone, which cannot empathize the gloom I felt in the darkness. The cedar that competed with me underground was still continuing to have a lasting fight with me. He was growing in great speed. I deemed that he was purposely displaying his vigorous vitality, which attempted to arouse my envy towards him! However, I felt a sense of relief every time when I think about it without any reason. I began to count the stars, the blades on my body shook excitedly as I counting each one of the stars.
有时候瞎子来找我，在我下方的土里拱来拱去。我说，瞎子，瞎子，真无聊啊，没有什么兴奋的事情吗？瞎子告诉我，无聊正是生活的本质。这太残酷了，我说，活着不应该有点什么意义？瞎子头也不抬地说，活着原本没有任何意义，仅仅是下定义者自作多情。
Sometimes, The Blind came to me, arching back and forth in the soil below me. I said, “The Blind, The Blind, How boring it is! Is there anything exciting?” The Blind told me that boredom is the essence of life. It was cruel. I said, “Should living own some kind of meaning? “Living has no meaning in its nature, so it is the self-inflicted sentimentality of the definer.” said The Blind without looking up.
我说，这是什么意思？难道活着不是为了争取到更多的光、水露和养分，变成更高大的树吗？他说，如果是为了这个目的，是不是当你变成这片森林最高大的树之后，也就同时失去活着的意义了？即便如是，我也可以完全否定掉你生存的意义，因为你是一棵树，而像我这样的虫豸，却注定要终日埋头耕耘，居于黑暗、死于黑暗。我为什么这么做呢？是出于一种崇高的理想吗？不，实际上我没有什么理想，仅仅是生而如此，别无选择。
“What’s the meaning of it?” I asked. “ Isn’t it in order to gain more light, dew and nutrients and to become a taller tree?” “If you only live for this purpose, is it that when you become the tallest tree in this forest, and you will lose the meaning of living at the same time? Even so, I could completely disavow your meaning of living, because you are a tree indeed, insects like me are deemed to plough and weed all the time, so we lived and finally died in the darkness.” said The Blind, “ Why am I doing this? Is it out of a lofty ideals? No, I have no dream exactly. There is no choice, because I was born like this.”
我惊奇地说，并非别无选择！我们可以选择死亡，但我们为什么还要活着？瞎子说，抱歉，我还没有答案，但我认为存在对抗死亡的理由，我们必须等待下去。我问他，等待什么？他没有理我，继续拱来拱去。我又追问，瞎子，我们要等待什么？他说，活下去，说不定会发生有意思的事情。说完，他钻回了地底。
I cried wondrously, “No, we have! we can choose to die, so why do we choose to live?” “Sorry, I don’t have the answer, but there exits the reason for us to fight against death but we have to wait.” The Blind said. I asked him, “What are we waiting for?” He didn’t answer me, just going on arching back and forth. I kept asking, “The Blind, what are we waiting for?” He said, “Keep living, maybe something interesting will happen.” He drilled back to the ground when he finished.
打那以后，我就再也没有看见瞎子，我不知道我唯一的朋友是不是死了。但我还要继续活下去，就像他说的，等等看，说不定会发生有意思的事情。
I hadn’t seen The Blind ever since, and I was not sure my only friend had died or not. Nevertheless, I had to keep living as he said, wait and see, maybe something interesting will happen later.
（二）
Chapter Two
在接下来的一千多年里，有意思的事情是否将要或已经发生，我实际上并不清楚，但让我近乎绝望的事情却是时有发生的。比如吧，我忘了是什么时候的事情了，那个夏天，雨水没有按照往年的时间到来，已经迟了一个月了，我想它也许是在路上遇到了什么特殊情况。我耐心等待，结果三个月后仍不见它，我渴得要晕过去了，它去哪里了？是不是迷路了？那一年遭遇大旱，使我大病一场，叶片也变得消瘦枯萎。
In the following thousand years or so, I was not clear about whether something interesting was going to happen or had already happened. What made me nearly desperate was happening from time to time. For example, I didn’t remember when it happened. That summer, the rain didn’t come as in previous years, which had already been late for a month. I thought it may had been some special conditions on the road. I waited patiently, but I still didn’t see the rain after three months. The feeling of thirst almost made me faint. Where did the rain go? Was it get lost? That year, a severe drought broke out, which made me undergo a serious disease with my blades becoming thin and withered.
我以为一切会好起来，没想到接下来是连续两年的干旱，我每天张望的那条透明的河，不再散发着荧荧的光辉，它的生命在不断消失，河底一块一块的巨石露了出来，而那些又肥又宽的厚嘴唇鱼也早就不见了踪影，它们去了哪里呢？
I thought everything would be fine. However, what was beyond my expectation was the drought lasting two consecutive years. I scanned that translucent river everyday, which no longer gave out fluorescent lights. I found that its vital force was disappearing continuously, showing the rocks originally embedded into the river bottom. While those fat, flat and thick-lipped fishes had already disappeared. Where have they gone?
哎！我树叶耷拉着，我能感觉到生灵的气息正在消退，蝗虫成群飞来，将河岸的芦苇啃食殆尽。我能感觉到，时间过得如此慢，比过去的千年更加漫长，我不断在晕厥和醒来中重复，在生与死的边界徘徊，我随时准备放弃！
Hey! My blades drooped and I could feel my vitality was gradually vanishing. Swarms of locusts flew in and devoured out the reeds on the riverbank. I could feel that the time was passing so slow, longer than the passed millennium. I was constantly suffered from faint or woke up again and again, wandering at the boundary of life and death and preparing to give up at any time!
而真正令我开始感到恐慌的，是那一天，我感觉不到那棵该死的老杉树的气息了！它死了？它死了？！我不敢相信。那是我第一次真正感到我老了，仿佛从来没有这么衰老过。而此刻，我竟怀念起往昔平庸无聊的时光。
However, what really made me feel panic was that day I couldn’t feel the breath of that damned old fir tree! Is it dead? Is it dead?! I couldn’t believe. It was the first time that I really had felt that I was getting old, and as if I had never aged so much. While at this moment, I should have been nostalgia for the passed days of mediocrity and boredom.
有时候，我认为我应该已经死去了，可是不知道为什么，我却本能地把根系往土壤里伸去，再一次试试里面有没有残余的水分。每次做这种事都令我感到无比耻辱，我发现自己竟然这么贪恋活着的滋味，哪怕是痛苦地、耻辱地、乞求地活着！
Sometimes, I thought I should have died. Without knowing why, I instinctively extended my root into the soil, and once again tried to see whether there was any remaining moisture in it. I felt extremely humiliated every time I did so, and I found myself so covetous to the feeling of living, even though it was absolutely anguished, ashamed and imploring to live!
的确，尽管如此不堪，但我无法挪动，也无法呐喊，我无法死去，也无法若无其事地活下去。与其说我正在活着，不如说那是时间一股一股地从我身体里穿了过去——它就是这样做的，它穿过山谷，穿过风和云，一直奔向我不知道的地方，永远无止息。
Indeed, even though I was so miserable, I could not move, I could not scream, I could not die, and I could not live idly as well. It was not so much as I was alive as the time itself was passing through my body one by one——this was what it did：it crossed through the valley, wind and cloud, running into somewhere I didn’t know and never stopped.
在等待中我渐渐明白，往往在我以为一切都结束了的时候，却只是另一种开始。正因为这种未知性和神秘性，存在即使不是一件快乐的事，但也不至于成为一件错误的事。一天，一种久违的冰凉侵袭我的树叶上——是迷路已久的雨。
In waiting, I gradually came to understand one thing: It turned out to be an another beginning when I thought it was all over. It was the unknown and mysteriousness that made existence, if it is not a happy thing, cannot be a wrong thing at least. One day, a kind of long-awaited cool hit my leaves——it was the long-lost rain.
那一次，雨是那么大，好像把过去三年的亏欠都还给了我。叶片欢腾地摇晃着，我感到它们对雨水的贪婪，这种贪婪的快乐弄得我晕头转向。
At that time, the rain was so heavy that it seemed to have returned all the debts of the passed three years to me. My blades were swaying excitedly, and I could feel their greed for the rain. This kind of greedy happiness made me feel disoriented.
大雨就这样持续下了两个月，直到一道闪电从天而降，恰好劈在我的身上，我的身体被烈火燃烧，面对它的灼热啃咬我却无能为力。希望在万火归一前雨水能够将它浇灭吧。如果没有浇灭它，我就会这样死去，但这也无所谓，毕竟我已经等待太久了，至于有意思的事情到底是什么，我仍然不知道。
Such a heavy rain was continuing for two months until a bold of lightning fell from the sky. Exactly right, it split on my body. Thus, my body was burning with raging fire, but I couldn’t do anything in front of its scorching bite. I hope the rain could extinguish it before everything was completed destroyed by the fire. If the rain failed to extinguish it, I would die. However, it doesn’t matter, after all I had been waiting for a long time, as for what the interesting thing was, I still didn’t know.
雷电交加的那个雨夜，我再一次晕厥了过去。苏醒后，我发现自己的身体已经被烧空了三分之一，主干下方的部位被掏出一个焦黑的洞。我应该为那夜的雨足够大感到庆幸。
On that rainy night of thunder and lightning, I fainted again. After I woke up, I found one third of my body had been burnt into a hole, remaining a singed hole below my trunk. I thought I should felicitate myself in that the rain of that night was heavy enough.
就在这件事发生后不久，一艘破破烂烂的船停靠在了岸边。船上走下来一群人类，他们跟那艘破船一样不堪入目，但我能感受到，他们身上带着这片土地从未有过的某种独特气味。这群矮子有着黄色的油亮的皮肤。
Soon after this matter happened, a shabby boat anchored ashore. Off the boat came a group of humans, and all of them were as intolerable to the eyes as the boat. However, I could feel that they had an unique scent which never existed on this land. This group of dwarfs had yellow and oily skin.
我注意到，矮小的人群中有一个身形显得较为高大魁梧的、肤色黝黑的人，而在我打量他时，他也看到了我。他绕着我被烧空的身体走了三圈，说实话，这令我感到有些不堪，过去我是多么辉煌、骄傲和强健？
I noticed that a man was found in relatively big, burly shape and with dark skin among the dwarfs. He also caught the sight of me when I looked him up and down. He walked around my burned-out body for three times. To be honest, I felt somehow embarrassed by his deed. How brilliant, high-headed and sturdy have I ever been?
他如果敢流露出一丝怜悯，我就会无论如何要了他的命。而他的眼神中却流露出一种惊异，他用手抚摸我那道雷电留下的伤疤，然后从衣服中掏出一根红色的带子，系到了我的树枝上。当他的手触碰到我时，那种感觉令我震颤不已。
he dared to show any mercy to me, I would kill him anyway. While there was a shock in his eyes, he fondled my scar caused by that lightning. And then he pulled a red ribbon from his coat, and tied it onto my branch. When his palm touched me, such feeling made me tremble a lot.
这竟然是人类手掌的温度？我从未感知过这种来自人体的谜一样的温热。我立刻就爱上了他！随后，他对其他矮子咿咿呀呀说了什么，他们脸上呈现奇怪的表情——嘴大大地咧开，露出牙齿。
Is this the temperature of human palm? I have never perceived this enigmatic warmth from human bodies. I fell in love with him immediately. Whereafter, he babbled something to other dwarfs, and they had a strange look on their faces——with their mouth opened widely, showing their tooth.
我知道在动物中，这种表情意味着警示、威胁和愤怒，但我看他们一个二个看上去却非常快乐，他们吼叫欢呼、上蹿下跳、拥在一起。
I did know that, in animals, this kind of look signifying warning, threat and anger. However, I found they all so excited that they were roaring, jumping up and down and huddling together.
后来，矮子们就在这里安营扎寨了。到森林里锯树的时候，黑高个儿在一旁用手比划着，他们都听他的。运输的时候，他比其他人扛起更多更重的木材。
Later, dwarfs pitched a camp here. When they came to saw trees, the black tall man was gesticulating on side, other dwarfs all listened to him. When they transported the woods, he carried more and heavier logs than others.
他身边总是跟着一个沉默的女人，相对于他呼风唤雨的领袖形象，这个女人就像巨树旁边的一根瘦瘦的藤。有好几次，我发现她躲在我身后，偷偷地看着他。
He was followed by a wordless woman. Comparing to his dominant leadership, the woman was like a thin vine aside a giant tree. I found she was hiding behind my trunk for several times and peering at him.
不仅是她，好些女人都这样看着他，我认为其原因如出一辙，那就是迷恋于他手掌的温度，的确如此，每当想到那样的触感，我就想赞美他、歌颂他！
Not only her, but other women looked at him in that way. I thought the reasons are the same——they were stuck on the temperature of his palm. Exactly, every time when I thought about the feeling of that touch, I would like to praise him, eulogize him!
有时候我在想，他总是如此具有奉献的美德与领袖的魄力吗？他内心为此感到真正的快乐吗？他是否像我一样曾为黑夜的降临而感到不安？
Sometimes I would wonder whether he always have the virtue of dedication and the courage of leadership. Is he really feel happy for it in his innermost? Will he feel upset for the fallen of night like me?
一天夜里，黑高个儿和那个藤一样的女人爬到我的树干上，他唱歌给她听，像一只献殷勤的画眉！她爬到他的身上，像藤一样缠绕在他的身上。后来他们每天晚上都来，带着那种温热的气息。唱歌，然后同我一起数星星。
On night, the black tall man and that “vine-like” women climbed onto my trunk. He sang to her, just like a flattering thrush! She climbed on top of him, twining on his body like a vine. Later they came every night with such a warm breath. They would sing and count the stars with me.
千年以来，这种事是从未发生过的。那一刻，我决定了我伟大身体的最终归宿——被做成一幅无与伦比的棺材，然后将黑高个儿装在里面。
Nothing like this had happened through a thousand years. At that moment, I decided the final destination of my grand body——to be made into an unrivalled coffin, and then put the black tall man in it.
夜里，人类熟睡的时分，我们这些尚在林中的树，与那些被做成雕花木箱、棺材、梳子的树也会谈话。
At night, when humans were asleep, trees still in the forest would talk with those that have been made into carved wooden boxes, coffins or combs.
“我很好奇，人类这种生物每天都在做什么？”
“I was wondering what do human beings do everyday?”
“进食，劳作，睡眠，繁殖和死亡。”
“They eat, work, sleep, breed and die.”
“终日如此？”
“Always the same?”
“终日如此。”
“Yes.”
“不过人类具有某种东西，这是我们都没有的。”
“But they possess something we don’t have.”
“什么？”
“What is that?”
“欲望。”
“Desire.”
“欲望，是什么意思？”
“Desire, what does it mean?”
“有时候，他们会因为欲望变得强大，有时候又会变得虚弱，有时候会变得像魔鬼一样疯狂。”
“Due to their desires, sometimes they will become powerful, sometimes they become weak, and sometimes they become crazy like a devil.”
