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《在河之洲》译文
2019-11-08 13:07 赵思睿 (2014)  翻译教研室供稿 审核人:   (点击: )


                                                                          在河之洲


 Islet near the River



我在洗湖塘边上玩。洗湖塘像一口锅一样的落窝凼。我从锅沿踩着沙一步一步滑到了锅底,河水淹没了头顶。有两个人坐在卧牛一样躺在水边的石头上,漫不经心地抹着身子。

Playing at the edge of Xihu Pond—a Luowodang just like a pot, I stepped on sand from its edge towards bottom, with water overflowing my head. Two men were sitting on large stones nearby, which look like lying bulls, cleaning their bodies casually.


我的脑袋刚刚挣扎着露出水面,还来不及叫一声救命,又可怕地沉到了水底。我被水呛得迷迷糊糊的时候,被一个人捞了起来。这个人叫袁模。因为这件事情,他成了我的救命恩人。他把我头朝下斜卧在一块光滑的石板上。灌进胃里的河水顺着肠子,又从嘴巴倒流出来。 

 Struggling to emerge from water, I sank beneath the water again horribly before asking for any help. After being choked into a light sleep, I was secured by a man called Yuan Mo, who became my savior. He put my head on the lower side of a smooth stone, making river water in my stomach flowed backwards from my mouth along with guts.


街坊上哪一个嘴快的,把这消息告诉了我母亲。不一会,我母亲从她办公室赶来,看我活鲜鲜的,就抢在我父亲揍我之前先揍了我一顿。

Some unknown neighborhood with a loose tongue told the news to my mother. After a while, she rushed from her office. Seeing that I was still alive, she gave me a sound beat ahead of my father.


我没有被吓住。只要有一点可能,哪怕一次一次地逃学,我都会毫不犹豫地走进河里。一天,我在下游一个浅滩下水,一下就游进了洗湖塘。这时候,我感觉自己真正成了河流的主人。

Instead of being scared, I preferred to come near river without any hesitation whenever there was even a remote possibility, even at the expense of playing truant. One day, I came into water from a shoal downstream and swam into the pond. I never really regarded myself as the master of river until that time.


那个年代,在饥饿的驱使下,我们不得不向河流索取。

In those days, we had to take from river under the motivation of hunger.


这种索取有时候是非常野蛮的。正十年浩劫,区公所当权派都成了走资派,整个机关处于半瘫痪状态。我跟几个孩子藏猫”,偶然跑进一间黑屋子。在一个敞开的柜子里,我发现了一些子弹壳

This kind of demand might be very barbarous sometimes. In the Ten Year Calamity, all authorities in district government became capitalist roaders, and the whole agency remained semi-paralyzed. Playing hide-and-seek game with some children, I ran into a dark room by accident, and found some bullet shells in an open cabinet.


我拿了几个给街上比我大一点的老表陈安祥辨认,他一下就认出来是雷管。我接着又在黑屋子里找到了炸药和导火绳。在陈老表的带领下,我们用墨水瓶装上炸药,安上雷管,插上导火绳,再在瓶口筑上死黄泥,这就做成了炸弹。

I took some toward my older cousin Chen Anxiang in the street for identification, who recognized immediately that they were exploders. Then, I found some explosives and fuse ropes again in that dark room. Under the guidance of my cousin Chen, we placed explosives in an ink bottle, installed exploders and fuse ropes, and crammed the bottleneck with yellow mud, finally making the bomb successfully.


我们在蒋家堰塘放了第一炮。轰隆一声,把靠岸边巨大的石窨子都炸翻了。我有些害怕;但看着河面一片白花花的鱼,我更多地感到了一种兴奋。

We played the first shot in Jiang Jia Yan Tang. With a loud crash, huge rocks near the shore were blown and overturned. I was a little scared, yet looking at a slice of white fish above the river, I was more excited.


也许社会太乱,人心惶惶,我们的行动居然没有被大人们发现。我胆子越来越大,竟把导火绳截至二指长,实际上不足一寸。这意味着只要 瞬间犹疑,炸弹来不及扔到水里,就会在手中爆炸。我认识的几个炸鱼的人,几乎都这样被炸弹崩掉了胳膊。

Maybe the society was too messy and everyone was settled, our action was not found by adults. Getting bolder and bolder, I shortened the fuse rope toward two fingers long, which was actually less than an inch. That meant as long as we hesitated for a moment, we would fail to throw the bomb into water in time, which may explode in our hands. Most fishermen I knew lost their arms in this way.


有一回,找不到玻璃瓶,我就用竹筒代替。竹筒太轻,我在竹筒上捆了一块石头。殊不知炸弹扔到水里,光滑的鹅卵石从竹筒上掉了下来,炸弹一下冲到水面浮在眼前。值得庆幸的是炸弹没有爆炸。

Once, I failed to find a glass bottle and used a bamboo tube instead. The bamboo tube was too light, so I tied a stone with it. Yet when we threw the bomb into water, its smooth pebble fell off, and the bomb kept floating on water surface.


尽管那一瞬间我们都学着电影上的镜头趴了下来;而事实上,倘若不是一颗臭弹,我们根本就来不及卧倒,后果必定非亡即伤。

Thankfully, the bomb did not explode. Although we had laid down immediately as we learned from movies, if it were not a blind shell, we would have no time to lie down at all, and the consequence must be either dead or wounded.


或许上苍有眼,我把这颗受了潮的雷管放到灶上烤辣椒的洞里烘,结果雷管爆炸,崩塌灶孔一只角。事情暴露,我被父亲狠揍了一顿,总算终止了这场危险的游戏。

Perhaps God wanted to punish us, I baked the damp detonator in a hole of hot-pepper roasting stove, and the detonator exploded, destroying one corner of the hole. The truth was revealed, and I was soundly beaten by my father. Finally I ended this dangerous game.


但大多数时间,我们向河流的这种索取是充满诗意的。Most of time, however, our demands for river were poetic.

用一个锥体的竹篓,竹篓里放上诱饵,诱捕一些没有什么见识的如白条”“火烧斑之类的小鱼,这种捕鱼的方法叫懵鱼。而顾名思义,懵鱼的竹篓叫懵篼。懵鱼的诱饵必须是椿颠粑

Using a pyramidal bamboo basket with baits in it, I caught some stupid fish such as “hemiculter clupeoides", "fire groupers" and so on, and this kind of fishing was called "Meng Yu". Just as its name implied, the bamboo basket for Meng Yu was called "Meng Dou"(a container made up of bamboo, vane and willow), and the baits for Meng Yu must be "Chun Dian Ba"(one kind of food consists of Chinese toon, rice and flour).


一般的篾匠都会编懵篼,只是编懵篼的竹子一定要水竹。水竹柔韧,不怕沤,还有一种淡淡的香气。香椿的嫩叶和米饭捣碎,再加上一点面粉揉成团,这就做成了椿颠粑。

General Mie Jiangs(craftsmen making articles from bamboo strips) could make Meng Dou, whose raw materials must be fishscale bamboo, which was flexible and water-resisting with faint aromas. Squashing tender leaves of Chinese Toon together with rice, mixing a little flour and kneading them into a ball, so that Chun Dian Ba was made.


懵鱼的河塘不能太深,水流也不能太急,傍水还要有一个河滩。黔北山里的小河,河滩上遍布干干净净的鹅卵石。人来到河滩,将包裹在南瓜叶中的椿颠粑掰一块,安在懵篼箍子里,在懵篼里放上几块石头,保证懵篼在水里能够沉得住;

The pond for Meng Yu could not be too deep, its water could not be too rapid, and there must be a bench-land near water. Clean pebbles covered all rivers and bench-lands in mountains of northern Guizhou. Coming to the beach, people twisted off a piece of Chun Dian Ba wrapped in pumpkin leaves, and put it in Meng Dou together with some stones, so as to ensure that Meng Dou would not float up.


接着走进河塘,将懵篼放进水中,最后在懵篼周围堆一层石头,把懵篼藏起来。人回到岸上,在水边刨出一个沙坑。沙坑里既能够渗进来水,又像盆一样是封闭的。做完这一切,远远看见鱼群循着香气被诱到懵篼周围,人沉住气,等到鱼群大都钻进懵篼,便躬身悄悄接近懵篼。

Then, went toward the pond and put Meng Dou into water. Finally, piling up a heap of stones around Meng Dou, returning back to the shore and digging a bunker near water, which could either let water in or keep closed like a pot. After doing all these, people waited in the distance patiently until fish was tempted by aroma toward Meng Dou. When most shoals of fish had swum into Meng Dou, the hunter bowed and stalked his prey.


鱼儿在懵篼里吃得正欢,一点没有意识危险已经临近。人突然一只手捂严懵篼口子,一只手拨掉懵篼周围的石头。那工夫,鱼儿醒悟过来,小嘴巴密集地戳在手掌上,想冲开封锁,逃出牢笼。

Fish in the bamboo basket were enjoying their delicacies without any hazard awareness, then people hurried to cover basket mouth with one hand and pulled out stones around with the other hand. Not until that time, did these fish suspect danger and poked hunter’s palm with their small mouths persistently, hoping to escape.


但太晚了,懵篼被提出了水面。鱼儿在懵篼中嗒嗒嗒地挣扎着,被倒进渗满了水的沙坑里。人接着在诱饵上敷一层新鲜的椿颠粑,再把懵篼安好。

But it was too late, and Meng Dou had been lifted above water. Fish struggled in the bamboo basket and were poured into bunker filled with water. Then people deposited a layer of fresh Chun Dian Ba as fishing lures and placed Meng Dou well in water.


回过头来,人便蹲在水边,将沙坑里的鱼儿一条一条地捞起来,肚子上一掐、一挤,收拾干净肠肝肚肺,便晾在鹅卵石上。天气好,又找对了地方,一懵篼鱼,少有几十条,多有几百条。

Again, they went back toward bunker and crouched near it, getting fish out one by one. They pinched and squeezed fish’s stomach, start cleaning work, and then dried them on cobblestones. If the weather was good and the place was right, one Meng Dou could catch from dozens to hundreds of fish at one time.


通常几个小时下来,就可以带着满满一懵篼干鱼 回家,用山里地道的小青椒炒来,吃饭、下酒,都是好菜。

Usually, after a few hours’ work, people could go home with a basket of dried fish. Cooking them with veritable pimientos de padrón, it was an ideal dish for both meals and wines.


捕大一点的鱼则要用。这里的”,只是一个读音。我觉得它应该从竹头,因为它跟懵篼一样是竹编的。可字典上找不到这个字,也就只好借土旁的代替。

As for big fish, we had to use “Hao” (a kind of fishing tool) which was just a pronunciation. I thought its radical should be the bamboo radical, because it was made of bamboos just like Meng Dou, yet no such a word was found in dictionary, so I had but to use another word “” instead.


壕跟懵篼的团头团脑不一样,呈条状,叉口圆腹,颈上扎着削尖的篾条,倒钩一样;鱼只要钻进去,便怎么也退不出来。用壕捕鱼叫塞鱼

Different from Meng Dou which was like a ball, Hao had strip structures, prongs, round belly and sharp thin strips inserted in its neck, just like a barb. As long as fish got into it, they could never escape again. Fish-hunting with Hao was called “Sai Yu”.


河里很多石头,一半露在水面,一半隐在水中。水冲沙走,石头下面大多是空的,这就形成了窨子。窨子是鱼的屋子。像桃花油鱼、赤尾子、白甲、斑母狗,不大动,喜欢待在窨子里。

There were many stones in river, half were exposed above the water and half were hidden. When sands were washed by water, most of these stones were empty, which formed “Yinzi”-the home of fish. Some fish were too lazy to move and always stayed in Yinzi, such as peach blossom fish, red tail, onychostoma, spot fish and so on.


人在田野上抓几个谷草四下里一围,留两个孔,一个孔安上壕,一个孔用来下药。药通常是从山里采来的苦葛,用石头砸出浆,塞在孔里一搅,药浆漫进窨子,无处可逃的鱼,只有就范,被乖乖追进壕里。

People collected some straws in the field and formed a circumference, leaving only two holes. One hole was to install Hao, and the other was for drugging. Usually the medicine was pueraria peduncularis benth from mountains, which was pounded into slurries and foisted into the hole. After sluries diffusing in Yinzi, fish had no way but to be driven into Hao.


也有用生石灰捅窨子的。苦葛跟生石灰都比较温和,一般不会致命,被赶进壕里的鱼也活鲜鲜的。

Sometimes calces was also used, which was relatively mild like pueraria peduncularis benth, and would not cause death generally, so that fish driven into Hao were usually alive.


壕还可以用来追滩。山里的河流滩多水急。我们用石块带谷草在滩头砌一道字堤,留一个喇叭口安壕。做好格局,人便从上游往下赶鱼。

Hao could also be used for "beach chasing". Water in rivers and bench-lands in mountains was often swift, so we used stones as well as straws to build a 8-shaped embankment on the beach, leaving a horn mouth to install Hao. After all work were done, you could begin herding fish from upstream to downstream.


通常几个人一起动手,往河里扔石头,叮叮咚咚的声音,紧张而有序,渐次逼近壕口。受惊的鱼儿慌不择路,顺流而下,这就被赶进壕里。

Usually, several people would work together. They threw stones into river, made tinkling voice and approached Hao gradually. These frightened fish fled in any path they could downstream, and finally were driven into Hao.


但追滩太花工,尤其扎堤,通常是大人干的事情。我们那时候追滩,也主要利用人家做的格局,被追过的滩也没有多少鱼,常常空手而回。

But beach chasing was time-consuming, especially embankment construction, which was often adults’ work, so that we tended to borrow others’ labor products at that time. Despite this, fish we caught was few, and we often came home empty-handed.


有人把懵篼跟壕结合,里面放上香喷喷的菜油饼和沉重的石头,再用棕绳拴上,扔到很深的河塘里,一天两天的,听说还逮过几斤重的团鱼。

Some people combined Hao and Meng Dou, put delicious rubsen cakes and heavy stones in it, then tied it with coir ropes and threw into deep ponds for one day or two. It was said that they had even caught soft-shelled turtles with several pounds.


小河里没有多少大鱼,我很少看见人用。但有一天夜里,有人在上游下了药。看见河流上下星星点点的火把,父亲不知从哪里找一把叉,带着我来到河滩上。

There were few big fish in small rivers, so I seldom saw people spearing fish. One night, however, someone put in poison downstream. Seeing scattered lights up and down the river, father found a fork out of nowhere and took me to the beach.

 

我一只手打着电筒,一只手拿着叉,逆流而上,看见淡黄的光亮中,鱼儿贴着河床一动不动。我一叉下去,鱼儿就血淋淋地挂在了叉上。

Holding a flashlight with one hand and the fork with the other hand, I went slowly upstream, and saw fish attached to the riverbed unmoved in yellowish lights. With a sudden fork, I stuck fish on my fork bloodily.

 

老实说,我即便懵里懵懂炸过鱼,但这样面对面的刺杀,尤其刺杀一条乖乖地贴在河床上的鱼,还是多少感觉到了一种血腥。

To be honest, despite my experience of blasting fish, I still felt a bit bloody for this face-to-face killing, especially for those fish attached to the riverbed unmoved.


我父亲看我笨手笨脚的样子,便把叉夺了过去。这样,我在两岔河湾中长大成人,生活了二十来年,实际上就用过这一回叉。

Seeing my clumsiness, father snatched the fork away and speared fish himself. Actually, during my twenty years life in two cha coves, it was my first time to use fork.


后来,我听内行的人说,药水放滩,实际上只在表层流淌;所以鱼儿才贴着水底一动不动。原来,鱼儿也是有智慧的。

Later, I heard from some insiders that, potion in river only flowed in water surface, so that fish attached to water bottom remain unmoved. As a matter of fact, fish were quite intelligent.


只是面对饥饿的人们,它只能有两种选择,即不是被毒 ,就是被杀死。

Yet facing hungry people, they had only two choices, either to be poisoned or to be killed.


我父亲利用出差的机会从城里买了几圈缠筋回来。缠筋是一种线,透明而又柔韧。

Taking advantage of business travelling opportunities, my father bought a few laps of “Chanjin” from city, which was actually a kind of line, transparent and flexible.


我们好多人都觉得缠筋是那个时代老百姓看得见摸得着的高科技,又把它叫化学线。我父亲想用缠筋织一铺网。他织了拆,拆了织,摸索了好长时间,总算找到了门道。

Many of us felt that it was a tangible high-tech at that time, so we called it "chemical line". My father wanted to weave a lapping with “Chanjin”. After long times of knitting and tearing, finally he found the way.


大约工作忙的缘故,为了加快进程,他教会了我织网。开初,我坐在窗前,一把二指的卡子,一把梭子,织得有板有眼。但孩子天生好动,我后来就磨洋工。父亲无可奈何,又重新操起了梭子。

For his busy work, he taught me how to weave so as to speed up working process. At the beginning, sitting in the window with a two-finger clip and a shuttle, I weaved with an air of importance. But children are born restless, after a few days of work, I turned sluggish. Unwillingly, father had but to return to this work.


有时候,我半夜醒来,还看见他在罩子灯下织网。三尺高十丈长的拦河网快要织完的时候,我们都有一种不可名状的激动。一开始织网,我们就注意搜集牙膏皮。

Sometimes, I woke up at midnight and saw him weaving under shaded lights. When the drainage network with three feet in height and ten feet in length was to be finished, we all enjoyed a kind of indescribable excitement. At the every beginning of weaving, we had started to collect toothpaste tubes.


这时候,我用铁瓢把这些牙膏皮一个一个地在火上熔化,接上黄泥巴做模子,中间插一根细细的竹笺,最后把熔化的锡水倒进模子里,这就铸出来一个网坠儿。而网纲绳上的浮子,我们是用大蒜杆来做的。

So at this time, I melted these toothpaste tubes on fire one by one on a iron ladle, then made a mold with yellow mud, inserted a thin bamboo raft in between, and finally poured melting tin water into the mold, so that a net weights was completed. As for the bobber on mesh ropes, we made with garlic stems.


前后差不多半年光景,我们才把一铺网编成。我的印象中,这铺网并没有打多少鱼。但大约它是小镇上第一铺化学线编织的网,名声很响,很多人借。没有多久,网就破烂不堪。父亲补了几次,终于灰心,也就不再补了。

After almost half a year of work, we completed one lapping. In my impression, this lapping didn’t help catching too many fish. But because it was the first net made of chemical lines in the town, so that its reputation spread far and was borrowed by many people. Before long, it was in shreds and patches. After several times of mending, father lost heart and gave up mending.


当然,最寻常的方法还是竿钓。进入夏天,我们就盼着涨水。夜里听见雷声、雨声,一阵比一阵紧,我们就知道河里发大水了,天刚刚亮,便一骨碌从床上爬起来挖蛐蟮。蛐蟮装在一个竹筒里,

Of course, the most common way was with fishing poles. In summer, we waited in hope for swelling. Hearing a burst of thunder and rain getting louder and louder at night, we knew that the river was going to flood. With the break of the day, we got up in a gulp and hurried to dig earthworms, which were often kept in bamboo tubes.


再抓一把土放进去,这样养一下,蛐蟮不会跑出来。我们拿上竿,一根呆竿,飞一样跑到河边。那工夫,只要守住一个回水沱,就能够钓上一阵。有一种叫刺黄牯的鱼,除腮上有两根刺牛角一样顶着,浑身就一根刺,味极鲜。

Then we grabbed a handful of dirt inside to prevent their escape. Taking a pole, we ran toward river as if flying. At that time, as long as staying at one backwater bay, you could catch for a while. There was a kind of fish called "Ci Huanggu” with two thorns like ox horns on its cheeks and one thorn all over, which tasted very delicious.


这种鱼平时待在窨子里不大动,也不太好钓,可一遇涨水,浑浑水养昏昏鱼,憨吃傻胀,尤其上钩。钓一天的浑水鱼,几乎都是这种刺黄牯。

This kind of fish usually stayed in Yinzi with little movement and was difficult to be caught. Yet at the time of swelling, after a sumptuous meal of muddy water, their body began to swell and was easier to be caught. After one day’s fishing in muddy water, almost all fish we caught were Ci Huanggu.


水退后,河流又清亮起来。这时候,赤尾子、白甲这两种鱼格外活跃。我赶紧到水上搬开石头找石蚕做钓饵,只要能够找到石蚕,就不愁钓不到这两种鱼。

Water receded and river became clear again, red tail and onychostoma simus became particularly active at this time. I hurried to remove stones in water and looked for caddis worms as baits. As long as caddis worms could be found, we need not worry about catching these two kinds of fish.


找几条石蚕钓几竿,每一竿都不落空,掌握得好,一条石蚕还能够钓几条鱼。

The number of caddis worms founded determined our fishing times, and there was no danger that nothing would come in each fishing. If you had good skills, you could even catch a few fish at one time.


但真正高明的还是空手道。镇上有一个赵星国,比我们大不了多少,夏天穿一条短裤,在河里走一趟,就能够捉一大串鱼,提在手上,从街上走过,大家都羡慕。我曾经看见他捉鱼。他主要摸窨子。

But the best fishing skill was “karate”(fishing with hands only). There was a people named Zhao Xingguo in town, who was not much older than us. In summer, wearing a pair of shorts and walking in river for a trip, he was able to catch a large string of fish. Carrying fish in hand and walking through street, he was admired by all of us. I once saw him catching fish by mainly looking for Yinzi.


他手臂长,手 指也长,而他主要能够憋很长的气。有一次,他摸一个仿佛倒钩的窨子,一只手顺着摸进去,却怎么也退不出来,整个脑袋闷在水中,憋不住气了,使劲一拉,一只手才血淋淋退了出来。

He had long arms and long fingers, and the most important thing was that he could hold breath for a long time. Once he found a Yinzi like a barb, so he fumbled in it with one hand, but failed to pull his hand out. Feeling suffocated, he tugged hardly, and a bloody hand was pulled out.


还有一次,我看见他从窨子里抓了一条水蛇,吓得脸都变了色,把一条蛇远远地扔了出去。有传奇色彩的是黄坛子。他住在河流下游一个叫浮狮塘的地方。

Another time, I saw him catching a water snake from Yinzi, being scared to turn pale and throwing it far away. There were one legendary people called Huang Tanzi, who lived in a place called Fushi Pond downstream.


很多人说黄坛子是鱼投胎的。他能够跳进深不见底的浮狮塘,追得一条鱼无处藏身而乖乖就擒。听说黄坛子来赶场了,我课也不上,就跟在他屁股后面,头昏脑涨地转了一天。几十年过去,他那个样子,我今天想来,仍如在眼前。

Many people said that he was the reincarnation of fish, which could jump into bottomless Fushi Pond, forcing fish to have nowhere to hide but to be captured obediently. Hearing that Huang Tanzi was to catch fish, I played truant and followed him for a whole day shell-shocked. For decades, his appearance still passes in front of my inner eyes in great details nowadays.


我后来也学着摸鱼。只是根据赵星国的教训,我脑袋很少闷在水里。虽然也偶尔得手,但始终找不到什么感觉。

I also learned how to catch fish with hands later. Based on Zhao Xingguo's lesson, I seldom muffled my head in water. Despite several times of successful fishing, I always failed to find the right feeling.

 

更不要说黄坛子,黄坛子那阵在我心目中是一颗可望而不可即的星。摸鱼有风险,追鱼又遥不可及,我只有腾鱼。河滩上,很多鱼儿都藏在小窨子里。

Not to mention Huang Tanzi, who was a star within sight but beyond reach in my mind. Catching fish was risky and chasing fish was difficult, so I could only “Teng Yu”. On beaches, many fish hid themselves in small Yinzi.


你只要搬一块石头砸在小窨子上,咚的一声震动,掀开小窨子,那鱼不是被震死了,就是被震昏了。因为鱼跟螃蟹藏身的地方差不多,我们把抓螃蟹也叫搬螃蟹。腾鱼,连带搬螃蟹,收获也很可观。只是鱼跟螃蟹不能放在一起,螃蟹大脚夹钳一样,会把鱼夹烂绞碎。

As long as moving a stone and throwing it on Yinzi, fish would be stunned either to death or faint. Fish and crabs always hid in the same place, so we called catching crabs as carrying crabs. Teng Yu, together with carrying crabs, could also bring us appreciable gains. One thing we should observe was that fish and crabs couldn’t be put together, because crab's claws would mince and break up fish.


有人把童年比喻为没有被污染的河流的源头。比喻,无非一面镜子,提供我们一种认识事物的方法。

Some people regard childhood as the source of unpolluted rivers. Metaphor is nothing more than a mirror, which provides us a means of understanding things.

 

但河流,尤其故乡的河流,它跟一个人的童年的确有着千丝万缕的联系。所以,有人把它比作母亲和保姆,有人又把它比作伙伴和朋友,还有人把它比作导师和智者 ……

While river, especially river in hometown, is closely related to one's childhood. So some people compare it as mother and nanny, some as companion and friend, and some others as mentor and intellectual...


我觉得它更像我躁动不安的灵魂和逍遥无边的梦。

As for me, it's more like my restless soul and unfettered dream.

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