心摇愿
Wish
我一直想写一位小学教师。而每每提笔,又觉得是太琐碎,也太平淡。终于,这个心愿如梦一般的缥缈起来。
I always wanted to write a primary school teacher. But every time when I desired to take up my pen, I felt it was trivial and ordinary too much. Finally, this wish was like a hazy dream.
直到我的女儿上学,后来又系上鲜艳的红领巾,那一些日子,我时常有一种奇妙的感觉 ,仿佛生命从古老的臃肿之中解脱 ,亦正轻盈 ,亦正青春,并长长地站在高高的晒台上 ,望着青灰的城郭 ,企图把这种情绪施加给那高楼低屋宽街窄巷。
Till my daughter went to school and then tied the bright and red scarf, those days, I often experienced a fantastic feeling as if life was liberated from the immemorial cumber, so light and so young, and long stood on the high drying stage, watching the caesious city walls and trying to exert this mood on the high buildings, low houses, wide streets and narrow alleys.
而蔚蓝的天空中,白鸽成群结队地飞过,拖出嘹亮的哨声,于是我听见一种呼唤,仿佛很遥远,也仿佛就在近旁,起初是那么响彻云霄,却是绵绵不断的让人侧耳倾听……
And flocks of white pigeons with a loud whistle flew past the blue sky. Thus I seemed to hear a call from remote or nearby. At first it was so loud and made the welkin ring. Then it was in a low and endless voice to make you listen carefully.
这一天,我结识了文化小学教师申尚柔。此前,有朋友对我说:“你的孩子要得到她教就好了。”我便隐隐约约地,产生了一种期冀。而见面第一眼,我的这期冀就不复存在了。
That day, I knew the teacher Shen Shangrou of Culture Primary School. Once a friend had told me, “It is very good if your child were taught by Teacher Shen.” So I indistinctly generated an expectation. However, the expectation disappeared when I looked her first sight.
真的,她给人的印象是非常疲倦的,加之她那瘦弱的身体,几乎让人感觉她就要倒了下去。有几次,我读着报刊上那些关于她的文章,心的波澜阵阵地掀动,与其说是被深深地打动了,倒不如说是感到震惊了。
Actually, the expression she gave me was too tired. And due to her scraggy body, it seemed that she would fall down immediately. Several times, I read that articles about her on papers. The waves of my heart were stirred again and again. I was more shocked than moved.
原来 ,二十年,三十年,不,她一辈子,竟然都是这样过来的。她一直要倒下去,又一直是站着的。哪一位诗人唱着:你往天地之间一站,于是成为亘古的石柱。
In fact, twenty years, thirty years, no, her whole life should live like it. She kept going to fall down, and yet kept standing up. Some poet sang: you stand on the earth, hence become an eternal stele.
而我呢,看着她那花白的头发,憔悴的面容,以及她那不可思议的四十来公斤的身躯,只能在心里默默地念着:你应该休息、休息,申老师 ! And I, watching her gray hair, gaunt face and her unimaginable forty kilos body, only silently murmured in my heart: you need to rest, rest, teacher Shen!
我不敢念出声来。“休息”这个词,她不知已经向学生解释多少遍,可她自己却从未真正地尝试一次。仰甘泉而不能饮,俯毡氍而不得卧,可谓人生的缺陷。
I dared not make a sound. The word of “rest”, which she didn’t remember how many times were explained toward her students. Yet she never truly tried it. Looking up the sweet spring, she could not taste and looking down the blanket, she could not lie down. It may be said a defect in life.
而普罗米修斯能够忍受凶恶的秃鹫日复一日啄食肝脏,却因为那造福人类的火种。当然,申尚柔不能和普罗米修斯比。
Prometheus could endure the fierce vulture plucking his liver day after day, but he got the fire which benefited mankind. Surely, Teacher Shen could not compare with Prometheus.
虽然是琐屑的工作,也需要付出代价。所以,申尚柔能够坚持那一份缺陷,而其实也和伟大的盗火者一样守卫了那一片神圣的心灵的空间。我们没有理由,甚至哪怕在语气上,来淡薄她的奉献,不小心亵渎了她那神圣的心愿……
However, petty work that Shen had done needed to pay the price as well. Shen could persist in the defect, in fact, was also like the great fire-stealer who guarded the space of the sacred heart. We had no reason or even in mood to despise her contributions and carelessly violated her sacred wish…
一个人站着,在天堂与地狱之间。在光明与黑暗之间,像过渡的桥梁,像区别的标志,既牵引,又泾渭分明。
One alone stood between heaven and hell and light and darkness which guided each other, but be independent of each other, such as the transitional bridge and distinguishing symbol.
这是诗的情景。而确确凿凿的,也是生活的缩影。
That was the scene of poetry. And really, that was also the epitome of life.
弯腰下去,挺身起来,生命的重复,从饥饿的海洋抓一只欲望的手托上蔚蓝的天空,上千次机械的往返,上千颗灵魂升华成美丽的星星。
Bending down and standing up, there were the repetitions of life. From the hungry sea seizing an ambitious hand to hold it upon the blue sky, these thousands of mechanical round actions made thousands of souls sublimated into the bright stars.
从十六岁开始,正值鲜花的季节,她就走上了讲台,在那里一站站到五十四岁,再有一年光景便要走下讲台了。狭窄的方寸之地,磨掉了她三十八个春秋。
From the age of sixteen, the fresh blossoming flowers season, she stepped on the platform and stood there till she was fifty-four. One year later she would leave the platform. The narrow place had taken her thirty-eight springs and autumns.
那时候,县里有宣传队,白毛女的角色总是她扮演的,而现在,不要说跳 “北风吹”,就是温和的老年迪斯科,她也舞不动了,哪怕课堂四十分钟,时不时的,她还要依靠红参的帮助 ……
At that time, there were propaganda teams in county and the role of the White-haired girl was always played by her. But now, not only “North Wind Blow”, the temperate disco for the elderly that she could not dance. Even if a forty minutes course, she needed to rely on the help of red ginseng now and then…
但初衷不改,依旧是那一份简单的心愿。丈夫食物中毒染上坏死性肠炎,住院救治两个多月,她每天在相距四五里地的医院和学校之间跑七八个来回,却没耽误学生一节课;
However, the original intention never was broken and she still kept that simple wish. Her husband got necrotic enteritis by food poisoning and was hospitalized over two months. So she ran seven or eight times a day between hospital and school which were far apart four or five miles each other, yet did not delay any courses of students.
儿子伤寒病高烧不下,住院两个月,几次肠出血,她也没有请过一次假;Although her son had the typhoid fever and did not turn better, lived in hospital two months and was suffering from enterorrhagia several times, she had not asked for a leave.
老家的母亲去世了,她负责的毕业班正面临考试,她就让丈夫和儿子替自己回去处理后事……Her mom living in hometown had passed away, at that time her graduating class students were preparing for examinations, she just let her husband and son arrange funeral…
有些事情是可以想见的。在那些阴霾的日子,申尚柔由于出身不好,她爱人孙定康也属于 “黑五类”子女,便依照原始的逻辑,而“罪上加罪”了。
Something could be imaged. In those gloomy days, because of Shen’s unfortunate fate and her beloved Sun Dingkang who belonged to the child of “Five Black Categories”, so according to the original logic it caused the “double guilty”.
怀孕八个月的身子一颠一颠下乡 ,一户一户动员家长送孩子上学,一边教学,一边还要伐木烧炭炼钢铁“放卫星”,这些对申尚柔来说,一咬牙都忍了。
She hard went to countryside with eight months pregnant, mobilized parents to send their children to go to school by door to door. When teaching students, she needed to lumber trees, burn wood, smelt steels and “launch a satellite” at the same time. For Shen, those could be endured by gritting teeth.
但在被停止工作的那些日子里,她却哭干眼泪。丈夫看她太难过,便教她学打牌,可两口子却越打越苦,并不曾真正地宽闲和轻松。
But quitted in those days, she cried until no more tears shed. Her husband knew her deep pain so that he taught her to play cards game. However, life was much harder with playing cards and they could not enjoy the real idle and relaxed.
更何况造反派是要时常光顾这一对苦命夫妻的。很快,爱人孙定康头发被抓落脱光,年纪轻轻便大块秃顶。申尚柔呢,毕竟是太单薄太纤弱,经不住肉体的和精神的折磨,落下一个神经官能症。
Moreover, the rebel always visited this unhappy couple. The hair of her beloved Sun was grasped and stripped off, leading to his baldness when he was so young. And Shangrou, with thin and delicate, could not bear the torment between physical and spirit and was ill with psychoneurosis finally.
每当夜深人静,她躺在床上,总悬着一颗心,并紧张地谛听着、注视着,那沉沉的黑暗,仿佛在夜的那边,有危险奔来 ……
In the still nights, she lay on bed with a worried heart, tensely heard and stared at that heavy darkness, as if the danger was rushing from the dark…
其实,那一份简单的心愿是不可能被褫夺的。申尚柔是太敏感了,以致她不得不依赖安眠药来使自己麻痹,而最终能够休息一下。还会有别的选择吗?
In fact, that simple wish could not be deprived. Shen was so sensitive that she had to rely on sleeping pill to paralyze her. And eventually she would take a rest. Were there other choices?
从十六岁起,不,也许要早,心愿总在纯真的少女时代就建立,面对神秘的眨着眼睛的星，面对亘古的常新的太阳、月亮,面对风雨,面对云彩,面对山乡土小溪,申尚柔就想到做一名教师了。Since she was at sixteen, no, probably earlier, the wish always was set up in the innocent girlhood. Facing to the mysterious flashing stars, facing to the immortal renewed sun, moon, facing to the wind and rain, facing to colorful clouds and facing to the mountain, countryside and the streams, Shen thought about being a teacher.
尽管简单,但与那些电影明星,或者作家诗人的心愿比起来,却是一样地充满梦幻。舍此而外,那时候的申尚柔根本不可能有别的选择,这第一次的选择,也是她唯一的选择,最后的选择。Though simple, it was the same full with dreamlike as the wishes of actors, writers or poets. Besides, at that time, Shen hadn’t other choices at all. The initial choice also was her single and final choice.
正因为如此,那张讲台,那块黑板,在尚柔老师生命中的意义就非常人所能够理解。哪一位先哲说过,执着一念,也就神圣起来。的确,她是太热爱那里的一切了。教室,生命辉煌的殿堂;学生,幸福的天使……
Thus it was difficult to understand for commons that the meaning of that blackboard and that plat in Shen’s life. Some wisdom once said, “To persist a faith makes you be going to sacred.” Indeed, she loved everything about it too much. Classroom, the palace of resplendent life; students, the happy angels…
不,我们不要做诗,还是来一点实实在在的宽慰吧！她上报多次的特级教师因为学历不够而至今未批,她教书三十八年至今未能得到知识分子补贴,我们的确应该给你一点什么,给什么呢?
No, we did not write a poet but give a true comfort! She applied for the special-class teacher multiple times, but now it was not given response because of her insufficient educational background. She had become a teacher for thirty eight years, but now she did not obtain the intellectual subsidy. We truly should repay her something. But what could we offer to her?
她每一回接差班差生却总以百分之百的合格率升学,她又写文章又辅导学生作文在全国各地刊物发表,而家长们都想方设法把孩子往她的班里塞,这样,她就成了特级教师了。
Her responsible poor classes and students got the one hundred percent qualified rate of entering a higher school. She wrote articles while she tutored students in writings and published them on periodical throughout the country. For parents, they wanted to send their children to her class by all means so that she could become a special-class teacher.
那么,大年三十,那些归来的大学生研究生们,不奔父母身边吃团圆饭,却往她家来拜年,这就是她的知识分子补贴了。而那些省的、地区的、县的先进和优秀的获奖证书,则可以慰劳她的疲惫与倦累了。
Therefore, at New Year's Eve, the returned undergraduates and graduate students didn’t have the family reunion dinner beside their parents but visited her for giving a New Year’s greeting. It was her intellectual subsidy. And those advanced and excellent certificates of province, region and county could comfort her exhaustion.
所以 ,我们理解,我们崇敬。
So, we understood her and admired her.
这一切全因为简单的心愿 ,神圣的心愿、不可褫夺的心愿 ,至死不灭的心愿。
All of those were because of the simple, deity, non-deprived and immortal wish.
大鹏
Roc
我在创作三集电视剧《走出山门》的时候,曾就本子的修改拿到湄潭酒厂的中层干部会上征求意见,电视剧主人公的原型是湄潭酒厂厂长刘有寿同志。
During the period of creating three-part series Out of the mountain, I once took the rewrite to ask for opinions on Middle Level Cadre Meeting of Meitan distillery. The prototype of leading character was the comrade Liu Youshou, the factory manager of Meitan distillery.
自然 ,整个剧情也是参照湄潭酒厂的创业史来构织的。这个会确定在晚上召开,我后来才明白,凡是不大能够确定议程的会议,一般都安排在夜里。因为夜晚的时间是很有弹性的,可长,可短,不像白天要受诸如吃饭这一类烦琐事情的牵制。
Naturally, the whole plot was constructed by referring to the history of Meitan distillery. The meeting would be held in the evening, I learned later that all meeting with uncertain agenda would commonly be arranged at night. Because that time was flexible and could be short or long, not as pinning by petty things like eating in the daytime.
那天晚上,湄潭县四大班子的领导也来了。小小会议室里,一下坐得满满的。我从未经历这样的场合,也想不到领导们对这件事情会如此重视,便显得有些紧张。
That night, the leadership of the four groups of Meitan county attended as well. And people were all around the small meeting room soon. I had never experienced such occasion and didn’t know the leaders would pay so much attention on this thing. So I was a little nervous.
所以,等到副县长任启贤同志——我记得她是用普通话,而且声音很高地朗诵,很郑重其事的——读完本子,正稍稍感到不适地揉着喉咙那儿,我就终于沉不住气地作了以下的声明:
Therefore, after the deputy county chief Ren qixian comrade--I remembered she was in mandarine and declaimed with a high sound, very seriously--read off the script. while she was rubbing her slight uncomfortable throat, I eventually cracked my composure to make the following statement:
“电视剧毕竟是一种文学形式 ,它和现实生活是有区别的。”
“TV series is a kind of literary form, after all. It is different from the real life.”
我幸而没有引用鲁迅先生那个关于文学原型是一种“拼凑”的说法,不然会显得更蠢的。因为事实上,在座诸君,的确没有哪一位把生活的真实与艺术的真实混淆一起。大家就本子论本子 ,无论从剧情的拓展,还是从人物的丰富,都提了很多的意见。
Fortunately, I didn’t not cite the view that literary archetype was a form of "patchwork" of Lu Xun. Or I would look much more stupid. In reality, it indeed none confused the reality of life and art here. All of them discussing the script, whether expanding plot or enriching characters, they gave me much advice.
但让我不能忘记的是湄潭酒厂办公室副主任刘崇德同志的发言。
But I couldn’t forget that speech of Liu Chongde, the vice director of Meitan distillery office.
“有人把‘刘有寿’这三个字拿去请教过拆字先生,拆开来是一只大鹏鸟。”
“Someone took the three words of ‘Liu Youshou’ to consult a fortune-teller, getting an effect of roc.”
他实际上就说了这么两句话。
In fact, he only said this two sentences.
我是不大相信拆字术的,始终觉得这有些牵强附会,不比占卦算八字什么的,其依据是注定的,不可返回的,带着命运的色彩。而一个人的名字则不过符号,只是规定罢了,不恰当,还可以改,这便断然不是一种定数。
I didn’t believe glyphomancy and always considered it was a lot of far-fetched. It was unlike divination or reading one’s fortune whose basis was doomed and could not rechange, with the color of destiny. But the name of a person was just a symbol and regulation, which could be changed if it were improper. So it absolutely wasn’t a destiny.
那么 “刘有寿”这几个字是怎么演绎成大鹏鸟的呢 ?我问刘崇德副主任 ,他原来也不知道 ,不过听人说的。
However, how the several words that Liu Youshou transformed into roc? I asked vice director Liu, but he also didn’t understand, merely hearing from others.
事情成了这样,便让人格外地有味儿。
The event evolved it, making it consumedly interesting.
我写湄潭,是从一个农民开始的。两万字的报告文学,《山花》没有要一分钱赞助费,慷慨地作为重头儿发了出来。文章出来,反响不错,又改编成了两集电视剧。
I wrote Meitan starting from a peasant. Twenty thousand words of literary report that Mountain Flowers didn’t ask for any donation and generously published it as a key article. It was well-received by readers after the article’s publication and was adapted into two series.
后来,这个农民成了中国共产党十四大党代表,他所在的村党支部成了全国基层组织政权建设的先进典型。
Afterward, that peasant became a representative of the 14th National Congress of the Communist Party of China. The village Party Organization where he worked in had become an advanced model of the construction of national grass-roots organizations.
尽管我在后来一文章中还要写到这个农民,但实实在在地说,他不是作为一个理想人物来写的,虽然他真实。理想人物在现实生活中是极少的。作为一个作家,保持自己的良知很重要,而良知的镜子是理想。寻找并塑造理想人物,可以把我们的镜子擦拭得更明亮。
Despite I would write him again in another article, in fact, he was not written as an ideal character even if he was real one. The ideal one was few in real life. As a writer, it was significant to maintain conscience. And the mirror of conscience was ideal. To seek and shape ideal characters could scrub our mirror to be brighter.
也就是在上面说到的那部电视剧的开机仪式上,一位领导同志向我介绍了刘有寿,并希望我认真地接触接触,写一点东西出来。
In the opening ceremony of that TV show as previous mentioned, a leading comrade introduced Liu to me, hoped me earnestly contracted with him and could write something out .
于是我去了乌鸭坝,这是刘有寿的老家。在即将出版的长篇报文学《功勋》里,我对这个地方有详尽的描述。如果说,那个有关大鹏的说法不可信,那么,我走在乌鸭坝那个山水相间的谷地里,却真正地听见了一种声音。
So I went Wuya dam. It was the hometown of Liu. In the long reportage Feat, I described this place in detail. If we said that comment about roc was unbelievable, but when went into that valley of landscape with mountain and water in Wuya dam, I really heard a sound.
鹏翅一展，水击三千里,扶摇直上九万里,既恢宏,且神奇。但不是的,它是另一种声音,又莫可名状,又伸手可触,就像飘荡在那些河流、山林和水田上空的云霭,这里所有的美的声音的源泉。
Roc once stretched his wings, attacking the water three thousand mile, soaring up nine thousands miles, with magnificent and miraculous. However, it was not here. It was another sound that it could not be described and yet could be touched. It was like the clouds fluttering in the sky over rivers, forest and paddy fields. It was the source of all the beauty’s sounds.
一位几乎掉光了牙齿的老人仿佛摆着他的儿子似的这样叙述着 ———
An elder with nearly toothless narrated the story like parading his son—
寿儿是命大。七个月丧父,七岁丧母,他成了孤儿。跟着爷爷,跟着姐姐,长到十二岁,他自己立了一个家。
Shou Er was lucky. His father passed away when he was at the age of seven months. His mother died when he was seven years old. So he became an orphan. He followed his grandfather and sister until he had a home by himself when he was twelve.
插秧时节,他枷起牛来犁田,人小,泥水淹到肚脐眼,嫌不利索,就把裤儿脱了,一身泥糊糊的,硬把秧栽了下去。
In transplanting season, he flailed the cattle to plow. He was so small that muddy water flooded his belly button. Understanding the inconvenience, he took his pants off and obstinately transplanted seedlings through the mud with his whole body.
赶场日子,他要担一担柴去湄潭,一天回来晚了,在偏岩塘的山神庙歇脚,就迷迷糊糊睡着了。
In the market day, he needed to carry a bundle of firewood to go to Meitan. One day he came back too late, just took a rest in the mountain temple in PianYan pond and finally dazzledly fell asleep.
第二天,有人路过,看见一条大花蟒把寿儿盘在中间,他正睡得香。这事情也真神,那花蟒不曾伤他丝毫,就自己爬走了,仿佛是这一夜特地来保护他的。
The next day, someone passed by and saw a python winded around him while he was sleeping soundly. It was so wizardly that the python never hurt him and later crept away, as if it specially protected him this night.
就像大鹏鸟本身是传说的一样,刘有寿这个从乌鸭坝走出来的汉子也充满了一种传奇色彩。而传说也好,传奇也罢,最终也不是过是一种人类精神的寄托和一种阐释,那么这种寄托和这种阐释,便是现实的缺陷,尽管那根是生长在现实的土壤里的。
As the roc itself was a legend, Liu, a man who came out from WuYa dam was also full of the color of legend. Well, legend or tale was fine. It eventually was an expectation and explanation of human mind. So the expectation and explanation was the defect in reality, in spite of that root was grown in real soil.
我没有去找测字先生印证“刘有寿”这三个字是否能够演绎出一只大鹏鸟来。
I didn’t ask the fortune-teller for verifying that “Liu Youshou” whether could show a roc in life.
我觉得这完全可能是民间的一种臆造。由臆造而传说,虽然有很大的下意识的成分,却并不是无所依据的。
I considered that completely must be a folk fabrication. From a fabrication to a legend, although contained many subconscious elements, it was based on gist.
众所周知,作为地方龙头企业的湄潭酒厂发展到今天,固定资产接近三个亿,产值与销售收入均突破亿元大关,每年上缴税金三千万元,差不多占了地方财政的三分之二。一九九三年,国家统计局综合各项指数,把湄潭酒厂列为全国百强企业之一,直接和间接的经济效益,也带来了明显的社会效益,湄窖集团二十多个成员厂,其就业人员有三万人之多。作为城镇建设,湄潭厂厂区是湄潭城最为辉煌的一部分,那里不仅有现代化的质量检测中心。架式大曲发酵微机控制中心,尝品勾兑中心,而且还有上星级酒都宾馆,气派豪华的工人俱乐部 ……
As we all knew that the Meitan distillery as the local leading enterprise developed to now. Its fixed assets were close to 300 million. Its production and sale incomes all broke through 100 million. Every year its tax payment was 30 million, almost accounted for two-thirds of local finance. In 1993, National Bureau of Statistics synthesized indexes, ranking Meitan distillery as one of the top 100 enterprises in China. The direct and indirect economic benefits brought obvious social benefit. Over twelve member distilleries of Meitan cellar group, there were more than 30,000 people in employment. In the urban construction, Meitan factory was the most splendent part in Meitan county. There not only were the quality inspection center, computer-controlled shelf starter-making center and tasting and blending center, but also the star-level hotels of wine city and the grand worker’s clubs…
可以说,没有湄潭酒厂经济发展格局,也就没有今天的湄潭。
It could say without the economic development pattern of Meitan distillery, there was not today’s Meitan.
每个民族,每个地方,在每个历史时期,都有自己的代表人物,这几乎是必然的。现实充满了矛盾,有如牵连不断的难解的结,而人又总是憧憬着,希望这一切美好起来。
Every historical period of nations and places almost certainly had its representative figures. Reality was full of discrepancy like a knot of unsolved entanglement. But people always were with longings, to hope everything better.
于是,他们把自己的理想和情绪,就像聚焦一样,逐渐汇集到他们中间最优秀的人物身上,既是一种寄托,又是一种宣泄。结果,这个人物也就消融,不再是原来的自身本体。他在虚实之间存在着,既是物质的,也是精神的;既是经济的,也是文化的;既是历史的,也是当代的……
Hence, like a focus, they gradually came together their ideals and emotions in the classic character beside them. Those were both an expectation and an outpouring. As a result, the character melted and no longer was the original one. He existed between truth and falsehood, with substantial and spirit, with economic and cultural, and with historical and modern…
作为湄潭厂厂长的刘有寿,就正是这样的人物。
As the factory manager of Meitan distillery, Liu was truly the figure like that.
傍晚,我与几个朋友散步,不知不觉地就来到招待所后面的山上。湄潭城静静地躺在脚下,格外给人一种诱惑。我想起一部南斯拉夫电影,结局是德国人站在山岗上,望着山下的萨拉热窝,很无可奈何地道:“瓦尔特就是这座城市。”
At dusk, I went for a stroll with friends, unknowingly came the hill behind hostel. Meitan city silently lay on the foot of hill, extraordinarily showing a charm to us. I recalled a Yugoslavic movie. Its ending was a German stood on the top of hill watching Sarajevo at the foot, unavoidably said, “Walter was this city.”
恍惚间,我又听见了在乌鸭坝那个山水相间的谷地里听见的那种声音,而脚下一爿湄潭城也似乎飞起来……
In a trance, I heard that sound again which I once heard in that valley of landscape with mountain and water in Wuya dam. And the Meitan city under my feet seemed to fly up…
当然,大鹏永远只能是一种寓意。
Surely, roc could only be a moral.
